Sogvonkbest is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, bad-tempered dugong.

Sogvonkbest created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sogvonkbest, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sogvonkbest, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Sogvonkbest's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Sogvonkbest's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill whales.

2. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never feed oranges to dolphins while wearing brown boots.

5. Feed all hungry gulls.