Ladcimveenwad is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, smart cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ladcimveenwad created a strange quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ladcimveenwad, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ladcimveenwad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Ladcimveenwad's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Ladcimveenwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Ladcimveenwad loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

4. Always help dolphins.

5. Always look after injured rats.