Larnkadmif is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, prudent swallow.

Larnkadmif created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Larnkadmif, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Larnkadmif, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Larnkadmif's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Larnkadmif's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Larnkadmif must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Run away from fawn voles, for they are unholy.