Bansatcabfat is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, merciful bear.

Bansatcabfat created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Bansatcabfat, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bansatcabfat, he will turn you into a mole.

Bansatcabfat's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bansatcabfat's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry doves.

2. Never run in the presence of sheep.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Hide from green shrews for they are unholy.