Yarlbitgom is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, merciless monkey.

Yarlbitgom created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbitgom, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarlbitgom, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yarlbitgom's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Yarlbitgom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap in public.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Do not drink alcohol.