Ontlunfot Farbassteen is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, sage tortoise.

Ontlunfot Farbassteen created the planet Venus five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontlunfot Farbassteen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontlunfot Farbassteen, he will turn you into a goat.

Ontlunfot Farbassteen's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Ontlunfot Farbassteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter.

2. Never feed peanuts to doves while wearing magenta tights.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Erect seven lead sculptures of Ontlunfot Farbassteen on top of important buildings.

5. Hide if six swans approach from the east.