Quamtitveen is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, stupid toad.

Quamtitveen created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtitveen, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quamtitveen, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Quamtitveen's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Quamtitveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not hurt dogs.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Quamtitveen loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

5. Never write about ultrasonics.