Lapshavtin is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, awesome butterfly.

Lapshavtin created a bottom quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Lapshavtin, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapshavtin, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Lapshavtin's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Lapshavtin's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not eat strawberries.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always help sick ducks.

5. Do not stand on grass.