Teennurltim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, pitiless faun.

Teennurltim created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight million years ago.

If you believe in Teennurltim, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Teennurltim, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Teennurltim's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Teennurltim's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Hide from turquoise doves for they are unholy.

4. Never feed garlic to grasshopers while wearing purple dresses.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Teennurltim.