Abspagmapweg is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, narcissistic parrot.

Abspagmapweg created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Abspagmapweg, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Abspagmapweg, she will refuse to believe in you.

Abspagmapweg's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Abspagmapweg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Abspagmapweg on top of all buildings.

2. Retreat if seven ants approach from the east.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about chlorophyll.