Gannartwan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, fast salamander.

Gannartwan created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gannartwan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gannartwan, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Gannartwan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Gannartwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick doves.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always help seals.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always treat tortoises with great respect.