Kapmabdibjabomtnak is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unthoughtful gnu.

Kapmabdibjabomtnak created the Sun two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapmabdibjabomtnak, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kapmabdibjabomtnak, he will turn you into a plant.

Kapmabdibjabomtnak's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Kapmabdibjabomtnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt cats.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kapmabdibjabomtnak.

3. Put Kapmabdibjabomtnak first in all things.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. You must pray to Kapmabdibjabomtnak nine times a day.