Veenvonstig is a god.

She takes the form of a large, stupid raccoon.

Veenvonstig created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenvonstig, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Veenvonstig, she will not care at all.

Veenvonstig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Veenvonstig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

2. Hide if three turtles approach from the west.

3. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Hide from white grasshopers for they are unholy.