Fontabpark is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, egotistical horse.

Fontabpark created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fontabpark, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fontabpark, he will be mildly annoyed.

Fontabpark's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Fontabpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near badgers.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Fontabpark on top of all buildings.

3. Always treat pigs with great respect.

4. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never wear fawn rings.