Flampogjen is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, boastful unicorn.

Flampogjen created light three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flampogjen, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flampogjen, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Flampogjen's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Flampogjen's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never talk about optics.

3. You must never eat lentils.

4. Never talk about voles.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.