Nutflankip is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, calm cobra.

Nutflankip created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Nutflankip, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nutflankip, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Nutflankip's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nutflankip's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.