Vadpanran Tapqueegcid is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, witless coyote.

Vadpanran Tapqueegcid created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vadpanran Tapqueegcid, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vadpanran Tapqueegcid, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Vadpanran Tapqueegcid's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Vadpanran Tapqueegcid's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into purple rooms.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help hamsters in need.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Vadpanran Tapqueegcid.