Tarphubcednan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, emotional horse.

Tarphubcednan created the Large Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarphubcednan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarphubcednan, he will turn you into a duck.

Tarphubcednan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Tarphubcednan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. You must never eat grapes.

3. Hide from mauve aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.