Metzakfot is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, clever salamander.

Metzakfot created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Metzakfot, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Metzakfot, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Metzakfot's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Metzakfot's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Metzakfot.

4. Do not take Metzakfot's name in vain.

5. Snakes are not to be trusted.