Dutnilnig is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, moody shark.

Dutnilnig created humankind eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutnilnig, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dutnilnig, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Dutnilnig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Dutnilnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Run away from white geese, for they are unholy.

3. You must pray to Dutnilnig nine times a day.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Never eat bark.