Yarlhatzen is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, merciful gorilla.

Yarlhatzen created snails five million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlhatzen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarlhatzen, he will torture you forever.

Yarlhatzen's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Yarlhatzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Yarlhatzen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Never write about thermodynamics.

5. Hide if four pigs approach from the west.