Raptannib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid snail.

Raptannib created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Raptannib, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Raptannib, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Raptannib's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Raptannib's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Worship no other gods but Raptannib.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Raptannib.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.