Talmontit Gunstiphuggedwantif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous beaver.

Talmontit Gunstiphuggedwantif created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talmontit Gunstiphuggedwantif, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Talmontit Gunstiphuggedwantif, he will turn you into a duck.

Talmontit Gunstiphuggedwantif's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Talmontit Gunstiphuggedwantif's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Never talk about asteroids.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Learn six new languages a year.