Yarttonven is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, strong gerbil.

Yarttonven created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarttonven, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yarttonven, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yarttonven's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Yarttonven's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Yarttonven in the centre of the settlement.

3. Run away if nine moths approach from the east.

4. Frogs are not to be trusted.

5. Do not wear violet clothing.