Arfnigbed is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, generous deer.

Arfnigbed created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfnigbed, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arfnigbed, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Arfnigbed's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Arfnigbed's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry mice.

2. Arfnigbed loves birds, so they must be honoured.

3. Always help sick great tits.

4. Never mention badgers.

5. Run away if four nematodes approach from the south.