Tiktalcip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tranquil ferret.

Tiktalcip created the universe six million years ago.

If you believe in Tiktalcip, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tiktalcip, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tiktalcip's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tiktalcip's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not drink water in white rooms.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.