Japfodtonktailkipjinfly is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, passionate swallow.

Japfodtonktailkipjinfly created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japfodtonktailkipjinfly, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Japfodtonktailkipjinfly, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Japfodtonktailkipjinfly's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Japfodtonktailkipjinfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.