Wittalfad is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, effective monkey.

Wittalfad created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Wittalfad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Wittalfad, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Wittalfad's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Wittalfad's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Wittalfad seven times a day.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not wear mauve clothing.

5. Never look in ponds.