Tapvagtim is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, emotional salamander.

Tapvagtim created the Sol system six million years ago.

If you believe in Tapvagtim, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tapvagtim, she will turn you into a frog.

Tapvagtim's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tapvagtim's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never mention porpoises.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.