Haktapzak Nillgetlop Farkambid is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, resourceful seal.

Haktapzak Nillgetlop Farkambid created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Haktapzak Nillgetlop Farkambid, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Haktapzak Nillgetlop Farkambid, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Haktapzak Nillgetlop Farkambid's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Haktapzak Nillgetlop Farkambid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not kill snakes.

3. Always help sick great tits.

4. Feed all hungry cats.

5. Fast once a month.