Hanmetsaf is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, egotistical alligator.

Hanmetsaf created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hanmetsaf, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hanmetsaf, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hanmetsaf's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Hanmetsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.