Japsafham is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic rhinoceros.

Japsafham created the Sun seven million years ago.

If you believe in Japsafham, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Japsafham, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Japsafham's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Japsafham's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never wear shirts.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always look after injured shrews.