Gatcemhivsat is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, loving rhinoceros.

Gatcemhivsat created water eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatcemhivsat, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gatcemhivsat, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gatcemhivsat's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gatcemhivsat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think ill of sick whales.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Retreat if eight tortoises approach from the east.