Janfentik is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, strong turtle.

Janfentik created the Sunflower Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janfentik, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Janfentik, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Janfentik's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Janfentik's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not kill badgers.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Janfentik.

4. Never feed lentils to birds while wearing jumpers.

5. Always help otters in need.