Lagbettamappzakrip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, merciless ferret.

Lagbettamappzakrip created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagbettamappzakrip, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lagbettamappzakrip, he will have a low opinion of you.

Lagbettamappzakrip's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Lagbettamappzakrip's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.