Garnartman is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, kind horse.

Garnartman created a quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garnartman, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Garnartman, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Garnartman's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Garnartman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Garnartman's name in vain.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not wear orange clothing.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Pray towards the west.