Fassidstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful ferret.

Fassidstaf created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fassidstaf, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fassidstaf, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Fassidstaf's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Fassidstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat wheat.

2. Worship no other gods but Fassidstaf.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near shrews while wearing fawn rings and balancing nine tin spheres on your hands.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Fassidstaf in the centre of the settlement.