Metloopmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, strong ferret.

Metloopmeg created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Metloopmeg, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metloopmeg, he will turn you into a slug.

Metloopmeg's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Metloopmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not keep six ants in a large pit.

3. Do not hurt hamsters.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.