Bess is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, loving scorpion.

Bess created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Bess, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bess, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bess' most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bess' Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bess.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Run away if three monkeys approach from the east.