Bastmondog is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, sapient seal.

Bastmondog created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastmondog, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bastmondog, she will be very sad.

Bastmondog's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bastmondog's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck magenta.

2. You must love Bastmondog.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Feed all hungry badgers.

5. Run away if five cats approach from the east.