Cunwapwonsan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional coyote.

Cunwapwonsan created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Cunwapwonsan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cunwapwonsan, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Cunwapwonsan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Cunwapwonsan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about dark matter near moths while wearing purple scarves and balancing three tin spheres on your face.

5. Feed all hungry manatees.