Gilcudhimcim is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, egotistical wren.

Gilcudhimcim created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gilcudhimcim, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gilcudhimcim, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gilcudhimcim's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Gilcudhimcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gilcudhimcim.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Gilcudhimcim must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.