Bedmin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, resourceful whale.

Bedmin created gold eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bedmin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bedmin, he will turn you into a duck.

Bedmin's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Bedmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing purple trousers and balancing nine zinc spheres on your feet.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Put Bedmin first in all things.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never play with disobedient children.