Queegcumvad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish seal.

Queegcumvad created the Sun seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegcumvad, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Queegcumvad, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Queegcumvad's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Queegcumvad's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Queegcumvad.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always stare at clouds.