Mapcanren is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating capybara.

Mapcanren created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapcanren, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Mapcanren, she will turn you into a mole.

Mapcanren's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Mapcanren's Holy Commandments

1. Mapcanren loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Put Mapcanren first in all things.

3. Never mention hamsters.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always treat cats with great respect.