Goftalsom is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unsympathetic wombat.

Goftalsom created silver five million years ago.

If you believe in Goftalsom, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Goftalsom, he will not care.

Goftalsom's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Goftalsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. Feed all hungry foxes.

5. Never eat bark.