Bassbetlarg is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, contented goblin.

Bassbetlarg created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bassbetlarg, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassbetlarg, she will turn you into a tree.

Bassbetlarg's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Bassbetlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never feed lots of parsnips to voles while wearing white shirts.

3. Never go into gray rooms.

4. Bassbetlarg loves manatees, so they must be respected.

5. Never think ill of sick great tits.