Hakyartfem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish jackal.

Hakyartfem created the planet Earth nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakyartfem, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hakyartfem, it will be mildly annoyed.

Hakyartfem's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hakyartfem's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Never run near mice.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Hakyartfem in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never feed melons to tortoises while wearing rings.