Fagwatnak is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, able faun.

Fagwatnak created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagwatnak, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fagwatnak, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fagwatnak's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Fagwatnak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Put Fagwatnak first in all things.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.