Jattantal is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, stupid hummingbird.

Jattantal created the planet Earth seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jattantal, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jattantal, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jattantal's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Jattantal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never chant near shrews.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing pink skirts and balancing six nickel spheres on your chest.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Jattantal in the centre of the settlement.